Good evening Europe and welcome to Twelves Across The Board, a brand new music blog dedicated to the eccentric fabulosity that is the Eurovision Song Contest! I am someone who, after running another music blog for years, noticed that the only thing that kept me coming back to writing was the Eurovision season. So, in the end I decided that I might as well start a new blog solely for that purpose – and here we are. But enough about me!
Last year, perhaps rather unexpectedly, we saw the anthemic "Stefania" capture the hearts of Europe (and rightfully so, might I add – the song remains a banger and a half). Just as unexpectedly, war-torn Ukraine found itself unable to host the contest. The hosting duties were then assigned to the runner-up, namely the United Kingdom (who placed second in Turin, thanks to TikTok star and golden retriever in human form Sam Ryder).
Eventually, Liverpool was announced as the host city and "United By Music" as the official slogan. After a global pandemic and a brutal war emerging on European soil, the way the Eurovision Song Contest brings people together across the continent feels perhaps more magical and important than ever before, so it is indeed a fitting theme. Not sure about the migrainous colour scheme theme, though (even if the prominence of blue and yellow is obviously a nod to Ukraine).
There are also notably some changes that were implemented in the voting system this year. Firstly, semi-final results are now entirely dependent on the televote. This consequently means that the jury vote only comes to play in the Grand Final, where they "will, as before, be combined with viewer votes to decide final result". Finally, global viewers in non-participating countries will now be able to vote for their favourites online, with their votes being added together and converted to points equivalent to one participating country. This applies to both the semi-finals and the Grand Final alike.
The contest is clearly trying to branch out to a more worldwide audience while also placing more emphasis on televote appeal. I get the latter point (although I still think that the juries have their place), but I am a little sceptical about the former trend – I just hope that the Eurovision doesn't lose its very special and very specific identity while trying to attract an ever larger global audience. I mean, they already tried and flopped with the American Song Contest, so...
In any event, the BBC will undoubtedly treat us to a phenomenal show with top-notch production value, and hopefully we see a lot of Ukrainian involvement in the show as well. But at the end of the day, it is the music that truly serves as the heart and soul of the contest – so how is our song selection like this year? Let's have a look!
Here's how its going to work. I've only heard a handful of the songs before so these reviews will be largely based on first reactions. I will use the official live versions whenever possible as I think that is the fairest way to judge an Eurovision entry. Each song is rated on a five-star scale and in the end, there will be a prediction of the entries qualifying for the Grand Final. Fairly straightforward, no?
1. Alessandra - Queen Of Kings (Norway) 🇳🇴
To kick things off, we have Norway with the Norwegian-Italian singer Alessandra. A peculiar mix of Viking warrior queen imagery and piratey sea shanty melodies, set to a somewhat dated electronic backing track, "Queen Of Kings" feels like an anachronistic theme song of a Game of Thrones spinoff. The lyrics paint a picture of female empowerment:
"Her name is She, Queen of the kings, running so fast, beating the wind
Nothing in this world can stop the spread of her wings
She, queen of the kings, broken her cage, threw out the keys
She will be the warrior of north and southern seas"
The whole thing comes across a tad costumey and the stage outfit really does not help in this matter. Also, while singer Alessandra seems to have a strong enough voice, the choreo definitely impacts her vocals, causing them to be at times shouty and out of breath. Hopefully they will rethink the staging to allow her to focus more on the vocals which should be the selling point here.
Norway appears to be one of the more popular picks year but for me, this is just not my cup of mead.
★★½
2. The Busker - Dance (Our Own Party) (Malta) 🇲🇹
Heading from north to the southern seas we've got Malta with The Busker. Their song "Dance (Our Own Party)" is a story about a socially anxious person desperate to leave a party he's at with someone he's just met, head home, change into something more comfortable, and have a dance party of their own: "I feel better in my sweater / Got my stereo, I’ll play you songs you know". Many can relate, no doubt.
The song itself is an infectious groovefest that will have you bopping along in no time. It has playful lyrics, a fun indie vibe, and an instrumental that absolutely slaps, particularly in the bridge. Which is why the non-event of a chorus is a let-down. "Do you want to dance?" is such a forgettable lyric and it comes with no melodic hook at all, with the line being repeated in this kind of low talk-singing instead. The chorus would definitely be elevated with a more distinctive lyric, delivered in a more explosive manner.
The live staging reads as regional amateur theatre, even if some might find it endearing. However, the outfit change from knitted sweaters to sequined ones is fun.
Either way, this goes straight to my Eurovision playlist. And hey, can't go wrong with some saxophone in this contest!
★★★½
3. Luke Black - Samo Mi Se Spava (Serbia) 🇷🇸
Next there is Serbia with Luke Black. Following the last year's phenomenally weird entry "In Corpore Sano", Serbia seems to have chosen to stick to the more left-field side of things. "Samo Mi Se Spava" (which translates to "I just want to sleep") has a cool, industrial sound that almost feels like a more mellow cousin of Iceland's 2019 song "Hatrið mun sigra". There is even more of that kind of tiresome, whispery talk-singing here, although one could argue that it serves to contribute to the dream-like air of the lyrics. Regardless, the live vocal performance and the bizarre-for-the-sake-of-bizarre staging do not do it for me and I find the dramatic instrumental to do a lot of the heavy lifting here.
Having said that, the song is an atmospheric mood and I expect it to be quite the grower. In fact, I've already found myself replaying it a number of times so come Grand Final time, my tone might well be rather different. There is potential, for sure.
★★★½
4. Sudden Lights - Aijā (Latvia) 🇱🇻
From the Balkans to the Baltics, we then have Latvia. Serbia's Luke Black just wanted to sleep forever and Sudden Lights seems to agree: "Don't cry, I'll try to / say the right words at the right times / Sing you lullabies / Please don't wake up wake up". I do always get a chuckle when the organisers put songs with lyrical parallels back to back.
This year's Latvian entry "Aijā" kicks off with a fast-paced drum machine, then grows into a rock band number, and finally concludes with a touching lullaby outro. It has an interesting, unusual time signature (5/4 in the verses, 6/4 in the chorus), which brings a hint of experimentality to the song. Written as a soothing lullaby for times where a lot of bad things are happening, the song is a beautiful, melancholic indie rock tune that grips you instantly. Polished and equipped with memorable melodies, "Aijā" is another track that grows with every listen (and has had me going to town on the replay button). Please don't sleep on this, Europe.
★★★★½
5. Mimicat - Ai Coração (Portugal) 🇵🇹
This year, Portugal is represented by Mimicat and her song "Ai Coração". The quirky, uptempo cabaret number is unmistakeably Iberian in nature with its handclaps and red ruffle skirts. I'm sure it is perfectly competent in its genre but here it feels more like an interval act on our way to the next actual entry, not unlike a musical theatre filler during which the main cast gets changed backstage.
Is it bad per se? Well, no. But does Portugal have any business qualifying for the final this year? Also no. "Ai Coração" just isn't original or fresh enough to stand out and not sound like a pastiche. But the singer is committed to serving a good, seasoned performance and it looks like she's having fun onstage so I can appreciate that.
★★
6. Wild Youth - We Are One (Ireland) 🇮🇪
These days it can be easy to forget that Ireland is a historic Eurovision powerhouse with a record total of seven wins. Will 2023 be the year Ireland seizes the victory for the eighth time?
Oh dear no. "We Are One" is an inoffensive feel-good track with a song title enough of a platitude to have been an actual Eurovision slogan a decade ago. It has an on-paper lovely message of unity and coming together (yawn) that is delivered with probably the most overused chord progression out there and with trite, uninspired lyrics: "And we might be different but under the falling Sun / tonight, we are one".
It is unfortunate that the U2-esque "We Are One" is every bit as generic as you would expect from an up-and-coming band named Wild Youth. I listened to the studio version first and was puzzled by the amount of autotune used, but then I watched the below live performance and... sadly, it now made sense. The live vocals are flat and strained, even occasionally out of tune, and need to improve considerably for the semi-final. But even then, I have a hard time imagining an entry this bland be one of the qualifiers.
★½
7. Let 3 - Mama ŠČ! (Croatia) 🇭🇷
The Eurovision Song Contest famously has a rule against politicising the event, which is not to say that contest would be a stranger to the occasional controversy. Indeed, numerous acts and entries have teetered this line throughout the years, although few quite as exuberantly as Croatia this year. Marrying an anti-war statement with ridiculed fascist imagery, "Mama ŠČ!" sees the band members parade the stage in humorously dragged up dictators looks. Despite the nonsensical nature of the lyrics, one does not need to be much of a political analyst to connect the dots: "That little psychopath, war war war / Evil little psychopath, war war war" (English translation provided by HRT). Tractors and armageddons galore.
Musically, "Mama ŠČ!" is an erratic, whimsical rock tune that does need the visuals to really work, but it is a fun blast of camp nonetheless. It is an entertaining mockery of the absurdity of wars driven by the egos of delusional authoritarians, a bit like if Charlie Chaplin's The Great Dictator was an Eurovision entry, in the format of a rock opera, directed by Verka Serduchka. In that sense it is more of a performance art piece than an actual song performance, which ultimately brings them down a little in my rating, but it is a fun addition the 2023's line-up nonetheless.
★★★
8. Remo Forrer - Watergun (Switzerland) 🇨🇭
Not at all coincidentally, "Mama ŠČ!" is then followed by another anti-war song, though one with a very different feel to it. The lyrics of "Watergun" tell the tragic tale of little boys who play pretend with toy guns, and who then find themselves on the front lines as adults wielding real ones instead. In a nutshell, this is a story about the loss of innocence:
"I don’t wanna be a soldier, soldier
I don’t wanna have to play with real blood
'Coz we ain’t playin' now, can’t turn and run
No water guns, just body bags that we’ve become"
"Watergun" is certainly a more somber take on the topic than the song before it. Fittingly, it's set to a sad piano ballad with some cinematic strings and, eventually, a marching drum beat. Personally, I am of two minds with this one. On the one hand, the song is a well-crafted package and the meaningful lyrics are sure to resonate with people across the continent. On the other hand, it feels just a little calculated in the way it tugs at your heartstrings. And if one were to get cyncial, does the message – well-intended as it is – come across as lacking in nuance and slightly ironic coming from Switzerland, sheltered away in a fortress of neutrality enabled by a favourable geopolitical position? Maybe so. Am I asking too much of a Eurovision song? Also maybe.
★★★
9. Noa Kirel - Unicorn (Israel) 🇮🇱
Alright, moving on. Next we have Israel with Noa Kirel and "Unicorn", a song about... well, I'm not entirely sure, actually. The lyris are a bit of a word salad that do not make all that much sense:
"I’m gonna stand here like a unicorn
Out here on my own
I got the power of a unicorn
Don’t you ever learn?"
But what does this mean, exactly? If we are to believe Wikipedia, then perhaps she is claiming to be capable of water purification and healing sicknesses. The thing is, she also seems to mix up unicorns and centaurs so I'm getting the feeling that she might not be the most credible cryptozoologist out there.
Either way, "Unicorn" is a fairly generic female-sung Eurovision dance-pop with vaguely self-empowerment-related lyrics and yes, an inevitable dance break that she keeps teasing with a repeated "You wanna see me dance?" (to no one in particular). Maybe someone should introduce her to the Maltese guys.
★★½
10. Pasha Parfeni - Soarele și luna (Moldova) 🇲🇩
Following 2021's "Shum" and 2022's "Fulenn", this year's entry in the pagan-rave-in-the-woods genre comes from Moldova, although "Soarele şi Luna" is notably more mid-tempo and less trancey than the former two. Sung entirely in Romanian (which was earlier this year declared as the official name of the language spoken in the country), the track features tribal drums, folky flute riffs, and the occasional chanting – the works.
The national live performance definitely leaves room for improvement, with the lead vocals being oddly muted during the verses, the backing vocalists sounding flat during the higher notes, and the lead singer mostly wandering around in a strange, constipated crouch. That said, this will undoubtedly look much better on a bigger stage (and dare I say, better camerawork), where you do not constantly see the studio walls and the edge of the stage.
"Soarele şi Luna" is a nice little ethno tune that sadly lacks the hypnotic quality and the instant memorability of the likes of "Shum", so I do not see this placing very high on the scoreboard this year. Moldova might sadly be looking at a nonqualification this year.
★★★
11. Loreen - Tattoo (Sweden) 🇸🇪
Sweden is known to be a Eurovision behemoth and among the modern-era Swedish contestants, Loreen is a behemoth par excellence. Loreen just so happens to also be one of this year's returnees, having of course originally triumphed at the 2012 contest with "Euphoria" with a landslide victory. But when you set a bar that high, there will be massive expectations to meet upon your return on the Eurovision stage. So, how does she fare?
"Tattoo" is, as you would expect, an expertly produced slice of Swedish pop. Loreen is a truly phenomenal performer who makes you feel comfortable as an audience member, that you're in safe hands with her. The song itself, however, is regrettably medicore. The composition feels familiar, the instrumentals are polished but nothing particularly new, and the lyrics are non-descript and unmemorable, as if the entire thing was built around the "You're stuck on me like a tattoo-oo-oo" hook (which, let's be real, it probably was). The dramatic strings in the bridge recall Madonna's "Frozen" but feel detached from the rest of the track. The live staging feels awfully gimmicky, too, with Loreen writhing inside a giant prop looking like a lit-up sandwich grill, while giving us choreography entirely conceived around having freakishly long nails.
Now make no mistake, Loreen still sells the hell out of it with her signature theatricality, but "Tattoo" just doesn't have the impact that "Euphoria" or for example her 2017 Melodifestivalen attempt "Statements" had. She deserves better than this, as do we.
★★★½
12. TuralTuranX - Tell Me More (Azerbaijan) 🇦🇿
Then we have Azerbaijan with TuralTuranX, a duo consting of twin brothers Tural and Turan (hence the band name). Their song "Tell Me More" is a cutesy alt-rock tune with Britpop and late-90s-to-early-00s pop rock sensibilities. This kind of harmless easy listening music tends to be drowned out by bolder and more distinctive entries in the contest's lengthy running orders, which is unfortunately what I predict to happen here as well. I do really enjoy the melody of the chorus, though, especially the unexpectedly upward "Tell me more about me, you, us" line.
"Tell Me More" feels like a nostalgic little throwback to a simpler time with its slightly cringey white boy rap verse and voicemail intro (when's the last time you've heard one of those?) and you know what, there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it has even grown on me a little on repeated listens. It might not make its way through to the Grand Final but it still has a nice, relaxed vibe that makes it a lovely addition to this year's song selection. Just not a winner.
★★½
13. Vesna - My Sister's Crown (Czechia) 🇨🇿
This year, the country responsible for the most multilingual entry is Czechia, featuring lyrics in a total of four different languages (English, Ukrainian, Czech, Bulgarian). Good on them! A downside is that unless you are a walking Duolingo app, you probably won't be understanding a whole lot of these lyrics. But if I were to take an educated shot in the dark, I would guess that they are about female solidarity and the refusal of women to give away their power. (While the song is not exclusively an allegory for it, the fact that the chorus is in Ukrainian does, taken together with the lyrical theme, suggest a tribute to Ukraine in their time of hardship.)
But hey, this is Eurovision and great music transcends such trivial things as language barriers. And thankfully, "My Sister's Crown" is a pretty great slice of music that combines traditional Slavic vibes with modern pop sounds. It seizes your attention from the very first seconds and never loosens it hold during its three-minute duration. The solemn chorus is a definite centrepiece of the track, sung with an anthemic, choir-like delivery and giving the song an aura of defiance.
I am looking forward to seeing the staging in the semi-final as this has a lot of potential to translate into a powerful live performance. "My Sister's Crown" does rely heavily on the chorus – particularly towards the end – but this could be mitigated with the introduction of new visual elements.
★★★½
14. Mia Nicolai & Dion Cooper - Burning Daylight (Netherlands) 🇳🇱
One of the most crucial things for a successful duet is chemistry; the voices have to blend, as do the personalities. When listening to the below studio version of the Dutch entry, I was pretty happy with how the two singers sounded together. Sure, you can tell that the voices have been processed a fair bit, but still – perfectly fine. And then out of curiosity, I looked up a live performance and... ouch. The vocals were rough and there is a distinct lack of chemistry onstage. Much, and I mean much, has to change for the Netherlands to even entertain the idea of qualifying for the final.
It does not really help that the song is a rather generic three-chord piano ballad with very little variation, which puts all the more emphasis on the quality of the (live) vocals. I do like the melody in the "chasing highs" bits, but those cascading notes need precision and clarity to work so I am a tad worried for the duo. Be it inexperience, or nerves, or 'technical problems', I hope that they get it under control come semi-final time and nail the vocals, if only to save face should they fail to qualify.
On a side note, I do always enjoy a good pronoun switch in references to God ("I don't believe in God anymore / 'Cuz where did she go").
★★
15. Käärijä - Cha Cha Cha (Finland) 🇫🇮
Closing the first semi-final we have Finland with Käärijä, who has managed a seemingly impossible feat: he has a) made Finland one of the pre-contest favourites to win, second only to the one-time winner Loreen, and b) done that with a rap song. Altogether wild.
When I first heard the song, I wasn't entirely convinced. I liked the wall of guitar sounds in the chorus but apart from that, I thought that this was just another ragey party rap song about getting wasted. Then came the unexpected genre shift and suddenly it all added up! It turns out that the overall aggression and the stoic, almost robotic delivery of the verses was just a facade, an armour of social anxiety and perhaps societal norms. All the narrator truly wants to do with his pints and piña coladas is to break through his icy exterior, set himself free, and arrive at a catharsis on the dance floor.
"Cha Cha Cha" is a party metal banger with a twist that has, together with Käärijä's endearing personality, become a huge favourite among Eurovision fans and casuals alike. It doesn't take itself too seriously, although some might misinterpret it as a joke entry due to the dorky dance moves and deranged backing dancers.
Something that will likely weigh Käärijä down in the jury vote (which now of course no longer applies in the semi-finals) is the fact that his singing at the end of track isn't particularly strong and relies largely on the backing track. Considering they could still bring one more person onstage, perhaps they would do well do add a backing vocalist. The lyrics are also rather simple and samey (not that many of the viewers would ever find out due to the language).
In any case, "Cha Cha Cha" is a massive tune that will likely be among the more successful entries this year. It's crazy, it's party.
★★★★
Prediction time
Here we are with the first 15 contestants! It is a relatively small amount of songs for a semi-final as this year only features 37 countries – the lowest number of participating countries in almost a decade. This also means that mathematically, the chances for qualifying are pretty decent, with only five of these countries missing out. But which countries are going to advance to the final then? Let's make some predictions.
- Sweden is effectively an automatic finalist without exception, but this time it is particularly so due to Loreen being Loreen. A probable semi-final winner.
- With all that pre-contest hype and such an ideal slot in the running order, there is no way Finland will not cha-cha-cha its way to the final.
- Although not a personal favourite of mine, Norway will likely sail through to join its fellow Nordics in the final.
- Serbia has a cool, unique vibe that should help them qualify quite comfortably.
- I'm manifesting Latvia in the final as they have my favourite song in this semi-final and it would be absolutely criminal for them to not go further.
After these five it gets a bit trickier:
- With a good staging, Czechia should qualify quite comfortably.
- As the only entry in the traditional 'female dance bop' category, Israel's "Unicorn" should benefit accordingly and trot right through.
- Switzerland is probably a safe bet with its sentimental lyrics and well-crafted instrumentals.
There's only two spots left and they will be fought over by this borderline entries:
- Despite the nasty non-qualifying streak that Croatia has been on for the past four contests, "Mama ŠČ!" has the potential to launch them into
the final, particularly in the absence of a jury vote. However, it does read as a joke entry which might undermine its chances.
- Musically speaking, Malta reminds me of last year's Latvian entry. That one of course was sadly left in the semis but I still feel optimistic about The Busker's chances this year.
- Azerbaijan is typically a safe qualifier, although in the light of some alleged voting shenanigans across the years, whether that is organic or not can be debated. Either way, their latest representatives have a song that is pleasantly light and breezy, but ultimately perhaps too forgettable to qualify.
- Moldova has a serviceable ethno tune but it pales in comparison to other similar entries that we've seen in recent years.
- The quirky but derivative entry from Portugal is performed well enough but it still feels more like an interval act rather than a serious contender, nor does it sound particularly fresh or innovative.
And an exit stage left for these ones:
- Ireland is too bland, uninspired, and based on the earlier mentioned live clip, far too shaky to be anywhere near qualifying.
- Similarly, a less-than-ideal live performance will likely burn any chances the Netherlands might have had.
So these were my opinions and predictions, the accuracy of which will be put to the test on May 9. Thank you for reading and make sure to tune in for a review of the second semi-final!
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