Now that the semi-finals are done, we finally know our Grand Final line-up! As mentioned before, this year's semi-finals were all about the televote, which probably didn't rock the boat all that much. The advancing countries were mostly predictable, with Croatia (yay) and Poland (nay) being the most surprising qualifiers and the entries that likely benefitted the most from the televote-only rule.
The flip side is that some entries that might normally have been carried through by the juries were now left in the semis, such as Georgia (it is not a secret that I love Georgia as an Eurovision country) and in particular Latvia. (Seriously, how did that not qualify with such a great live performance over so many shaky qualifiers? "Aijā" was my absolute favourite this year so Europe, you are cancelled to me).
Regardless, the show must go on and the Grand Final is drawing nearer. So, let's see what we're working with!
1. Teya & Salena - Who The Hell Is Edgar? (Austria) 🇦🇹
Kicking the Grand Final off we have the incredibly infectious "Who The Hell Is Edgar?". The duo sounded excellent onstage with great live vocals and harmonies that mesh satisfyingly. Which is why it is all the more unfortunate that the visuals are a complete miss. The outfits are baggy and unflattering, and the black-and-red colour scheme feels oddly oppressive. Gone is the playfulness of the music video. The singer in the black also disappears into the dark background.
Austria was one of the pre-contest favourites, but having to perform in the very beginning of a long running order will likely hamper its winning changes quite a bit. But honestly, some of my favourite live vocals this year.
★★★★
2. Mimicat - Ai Coração (Portugal) 🇵🇹
I must say that seeing Portugal qualify this year was a bit of a surprise for me. But I am glad they did! Mimicat is a seasoned, entertaining performer and I don't mind getting to see three more minutes of her. The song has a fun, uptempo strut, even if it still feels like a filler cabaret number rather than a serious contender for the trophy.
Having been assigned to the dreaded death slot of performing second, "Ai Coração" has little chance of escaping the bottom quarter of the scoreboard.
★★★
3. Remo Forrer - Watergun (Switzerland) 🇨🇭
Switzerland's Remo Forrer's vocals start a bit iffy in the first verse but improve considerably as soon as he leaves the lower register. As a package, the song still comes across somewhat calculated with its sentimental message but it was still an undeniably deserving qualifier.
The staging is a mess though with its flailing dancers, rope routines, and forced group choreo. A song like this would work much better with the singer standing alone, shown against a backdrop of evocative visuals or something.
All in all, "Watergun" is a solid entry but one that will probably struggle to stand out in the longer Grand Final line-up, particularly from such an early slot. I would imagine its total score to lean more on the jury vote than the televote.
★★★
4. Blanka - Solo (Poland) 🇵🇱
Bejba, it's kinda krejza (or downright insulting) how this managed to qualify. The half-assed (and in the choruses, half-sung) vocal was just bad. See, this is what happens when social media influencers start to think that having a heap of followers is somehow indicative of talent. The as such decent, summery instrumental is utterly wasted on the vapid mess that is "Solo".
In a desperate attempt to ride that sweet, sweet "SloMo" wave from last year, there is now a completely unnecessary dance break because of course there is. And an unnecessary tearaway. And to top things off, the whole thing is inexplicably coated in vaporwave visuals. Vocally, the semi-final performance is marginally better than the national final version but make no mistake, it still remains firmly on the awful side of things. The only thing this has a chance at is being the bottom placer.
★½
5. Luke Black - Samo Mi Se Spava (Serbia) 🇷🇸
"Samo Mi Se Spava" was an expected finalist and rightfully so. The industrial-esque instrumental has a cool vibe and I like how the song is not afraid to get a little weird. I just wish that the entry was of equal quality in terms of melodies and vocals – the whispery singing does nothing for me, nor is it particularly strong.
The "Game over, bitch!" was a fun little audience participation moment though, reminiscient of last year's Latvian entry.
★★★
6. La Zarra - Évidemment (France) 🇫🇷
We then have France as the first of the Big Five, i.e. the automatic qualifiers. After last year's experimental but ultimately unsuccessful "Fulenn", France is back to doing French things, albeit this time with a Canadian singer. "Évidemment" is essentially French chanson through the lens of 2020s disco revivalism. It works quite nicely and is very, very French, so the people will lap it right up.
La Zarra is a captivating performer with a flair for the drama (and by the looks of it, headwear). She sings the song perched on the tiniest little elevating platform which honestly gives me a little anxiety but barely seems to bother her. Props to her.
I can see "Évidemment" rising to the top 10 and being a moderate hit with juries and televoters alike.
★★★½
7. Andrew Lambrou - Break A Broken Heart (Cyprus) 🇨🇾
Before an official live performance of "Break A Broken Heart" was available, I wrote that I was curious to see how well he can sing the song live (especially the howly bits), considering the amount of processing on the vocal track. Having now seen the semi-final performance, I... am honestly none the wiser.
There is a ridiculous amount of pre-recorded backing vocals that bury whatever mediocre live singing there is rather effectively, to the point where it's virtually impossible to tell where the live vocals end and the backing track begins. Now, Cyprus is of course not alone in this, and the reliance on pre-recorded vocals has been a nasty trend ever since they were allowed back in 2021. But also... come on. The things you get away with when you're conventionally attractive.
★★½
8. Blanca Paloma - Eaea (Spain) 🇪🇸
We then have Spain with Blanca Paloma. "Eaea" is a thoroughly peculiar entry: it sounds traditional with its singing and flamenco hand claps, while also featuring a minimialist electronic backdrop. It feels hypnotising, but discomforting; aimless, but also confident in its identity.
For me, "Eaea" is a confusing and not an especially pleasant listen but I also enjoy its unpredictability. Blanca Paloma's live vocals are excellent, too. I do always appreciate the inclusion of more left-field entries, even when I don't necessarily 'get' them. Spain will probably not be replicating their 2022 success, but I hope that they won't see that as a disincentive to being experimental in the future.
★★★
9. Loreen - Tattoo (Sweden) 🇸🇪
As soon as Loreen was announced as this year's Swedish representative, we all knew that she would be the one to beat and that this might turn into a race for the second place. Sadly, that is exactly how the 2023 contest is shaping out to be.
Loreen is every bit as magnetic and entrancing a performer as always, but the song itself remains painfully average and would never have garnered this much hype had it not been for its performer. The music and the choreo is cut from the same cloth as 2012's "Euphoria", but no amount of ethereal reverb, rhythmic breathing, and fluttering nails can distract from the fact that "Tattoo" never reaches the peaks of its predecessor.
Even then, "Tattoo" will no doubt be a jury darling and a very likely jury winner. Based on the way its been charting across the continent, it is probably also going to do rather well in the televote. And to be fair, should we really punish Sweden for being so attuned to what works in Eurovision and for knowing how to play the game? Or for other countries not doing as consistently well as them? Of course not. But "Tattoo" would be one of the most boring and uneventful winners we've had in a while, and going back to Sweden for a third time within the course of only 11 years would be tiresome.
It is almost ironic in a sense. Back in 2012, Loreen's win felt like a victory for 'serious' and polished music that would do just as well outside of the Eurovision bubble as in it. The amount of so-called joke entries gradually went down and especially the past couple of years have been lauded for their musical quality and originality. In contrast, "Tattoo" winning would almost feel like going back a decade to a time when you had calculated, English-language, radio-friendly, run-of-the-mill pop stuff by the same handful of Swedish songwriters popping up left and right. That is not an era any of us should be eager to revisit.
★★★½
10. Albina & Familja Kelmendi - Duje (Albania) 🇦🇱
Albania was a qualifier that I was hoping for but not too hopeful about. But thankfully they made it through! While not particularly fresh or modern, "Duje" has an air of authenticity that makes it a great addition to the Grand Final line-up. The staging is an improvement from the national final and the Kelmendi family serves flawless vocals and even a bit of a handkerchief choreo.
The beaming family is clearly happy and excited to be there, which is lovely to see as a viewer (even if the wide smiles feel slightly out of place considering the lyrics are about a fragmented family that is struggling to remain together).
★★★½
11. Marco Mengoni - Due Vite (Italy) 🇮🇹
Just as much as Albania loves a female powerhouse vocalist, Italy loves a charismatic male vocalist. In fact, Italy has not sent a female-sung entry since 2016's wonderful "No Degree Of Separation". Coincidentally, that was also the last time they've sung in English (even if only during the last chorus of the song).
One of this year's returnees, you might recognise the singer from 2013's Italian entry "L'Essenziale", another Italian ballad that went on to place 7th. A similar result on this year's scoreboard is looking plausible. Musically, "Due Vite" does not reinvent the wheel, but it makes for a pleasant listen and the live vocals are good. I understand that the two trampoline dancers in the background represent the titular two lives of the lyrics, but their inclusion in the staging feels like a needless afterthought and they are barely given any airtime. Singer Marco Mengoni's charisma would be more than enough to carry the performance on its own.
★★★½
12. Alika - Bridges (Estonia) 🇪🇪
From one piano-driven ballad to another, we then have Alika with "Bridges". Estonia was one of the more surprising qualifiers for me, but singer Alika's singing was impressive, even if the song itself is a tad on the forgettable side. The self-playing piano continues to be a fun prop, although I'm not sure why she had to sit down and pretend to play it after we had already seen it be a strong, independent piano who don't need no player.
Sadly, I have a hard time seeing Estonia standing out in the final, particularly after coming immediately after another ballad from perennial crowd favourite Italy.
★★★
13. Käärijä - Cha Cha Cha (Finland) 🇫🇮
As one of the biggest fan favourites this year, Finland cha-cha-cha'd its way to the Grand Final as expected. Similarly expectedly Käärijä delivered one of the craziest performances of the semi-finals and it was exciting hearing the audience clap and chant along. Surely a song like this deserves showier pyros than the blink-and-you'll-miss-them ones at the end...
Visually, the performance is an improvement from the UMK version, with the demented dancers now not getting between Käärijä and the camera. The show also starts inside a cartoonish crate that looks a bit like an Angry Birds set piece, with the rapper and the dancers eventually breaking free from it. Leave it to Finland to go outside the box!
However committed he is to the performance, Käärijä himself feels at times stiffer than before and vocally, the second half of the song does rely on the pre-recorded vocals quite a bit. While he is a fun, energetic performer, our neon-green boi is sadly not much of a vocalist.
"Cha Cha Cha" will definitely draw primarily from the televote and will probably end up with a result similar to 2021's fan favourites "Shum" and "Dark Side" who placed 5th and 6th, respectively. All in all, a pretty exceptional year for Finland.
★★★½
14. Vesna - My Sister's Crown (Czechia) 🇨🇿
Czechia was one of the performances that I was most looking forward to and it is fairly great for the most part. The vocals are good, but a lot of the singing comes from the pre-recorded backing track. Considering there's six of them and only three of them have microphones, I wish that more of the singing was live (particularly in the parts with layered harmonies, such as the chorus).
I will also say that it is a shame that the staging dropped the distinctive, unique visuals of the music video and instead dressed everyone up in identical, indistinguishable outfits. That said, the bit where they each walk towards the camera and drop their braids one by one was a memorable moment. I also like the way they whip their braids around.
In my opinion, "My Sister's Crown" is one of the better tracks this year and will probably place some around 10th–15th.
★★★½
15. Voyager - Promise (Australia) 🇦🇺
For their performance, Australia brought an entire car onstage. Was this perhaps a Eurovision first? Maybe! (I am choosing to ignore Sébastien Tellier's golf cart from 2008.)
Australia was unquestionably one of the highlights of the rather lacklustre second semi-final and quite possibly the semi winner (or at the very least, in the top 2 with Austria). "Promise" is a catchy synth-pop-meets-prog-metal number that is accessible enough to do well with the casual viewers despite its prog roots. I would be very surprised if it didn't land in the top 10 and continue Australia's enviable Eurovision track record. EBU, promise that their participation will continute forevermore!
★★★★
16. Gustaph - Because Of You (Belgium) 🇧🇪
Another of the more deserving qualifiers from the second semi-final was Belgium. The 90s-house-inspired "Because Of You" is a fabulous entry that comes with gorgeous gospel backing vocals and even some live voguing. Singer Gustaph gives a serviceable vocal performance, but I just can't help wishing that a song like this would be delivered by a proper diva house vocalist, seeing that that is the genre this is most drawing from. By no means do I dislike the singer – he actually seems like an altogether nice guy – but I find him to be the person that my attention is least drawn to throughout the three-minute performance.
The way the staging borrows from the American ballroom scene feels like a shameless attempt to appeal to the overlap between Eurovision and RuPaul's Drag Race fans (which, spoiler alert, is no inconsiderable segment) but that is neither here nor there. Regardless, "Because Of You" has a fun, unbashedly queer vibe, and the instrumental does slap.
★★★½
17. Brunette - Future Lover (Armenia) 🇦🇲
Armenia's "Future Lover" was also one of the better entries from the second semi. Singer Brunette sounds great live while performing the song on a sloped platform, bathed in various projected visuals.
But pray tell me who, when listening to an emotional, orchestral cabaret-pop ballad, decides that the thing missing from the song is a goddamn dance break. This is one trend that I can wait to get a break from.
★★★½
18. Pasha Parfeni - Soarele şi Luna (Moldova) 🇲🇩
Moldova's "Soarele şi Luna" was an entry I was not necessarily expecting to qualify but there is definitely an audience for music like this in Eurovision. The overall staging is a step up from the national final and the performance certainly profits from a bigger stage and more dramatic lighting. The inaudible lead vocals during the verses are however a let-down.
The song has a mesmerising ethno vibe but there is just something about the performance that doesn't take it all the way there for me. Perhaps that's because rather than feeling like a full-on pagan forest rave, it comes across more as a joga instructor LARPing in the woods.
Another returnee from the early 2010s, the singer originally represented Moldova in the 2012 contest.
★★★
19. Tvorchi - Heart Of Steel (Ukraine) 🇺🇦
Last year's winner Ukraine is represented by the electronic music duo Tvorchi and their song "Heart Of Steel". Its defiant message of perseverance is sure to resonate with viewers across the continent but particulary back home in Ukraine. I think it's quite smart that while the lyrics undoubtedly allude to the ongoing war, they do so by framing the story as an interpersonal conflict.
"Heart Of Steel" showcases a polished electro-R&B sound with smooth male vocals but a dark edge – think The Weeknd or the like. There is a slightly dragging beat (a stylistic choice I personally am not a fan of) and an organ-like synth that adds a gothic touch to the track. I wish they had leaned even more towards the latter!
The arresting imagery of nuclear warning symbols and children in gas masks of the national final have now been replaced with less confronting cyborg visuals. I wonder if this was entirely their own decision.
"Heart Of Steel" is yet another great Eurovision entry from Ukraine, an unquestionable powerhouse of the modern era. It is not as instantly anthemic as "Stefania" or "Shum", but I would expect it to end up somewhere in the second quarter of the final scoreboard.
★★★½
20. Alessandra - Queen of Kings (Norway) 🇳🇴
The electro-kitschy viking shanty of "Queen of Kings" has been one of the biggest pre-contest favourites and was an expected finalist (even if the announcement order of the first semi-final qualifiers kept its fans on the edges of their seats).
While I can see the song's appeal, it does absolutely nothing for me and feels costumey, both staging-wise and musically. The performance opens with a dramatic, Italian-language(?) intro, but the fact that it is completely pre-recorded feels like a massive cop-out. Vocally, the live rendition is mostly fine, but the whistle tone at the end of the bridge (which was clearly intended to be a highlight) is awkwardly out of tune. Hopefully things go more smoothly in the Grand Final.
"Queen of Kings" may very well crack the top 10 but probably only the low end of it.
★★★
21. Lord of the Lost - Blood & Glitter (Germany) 🇩🇪
This year, Germany has chosen to send the industrial metal band Lord of the Lost and their song "Blood & Glitter" to represent them in Liverpool – and the whole thing sounds and looks exactly as campy as the song title would suggest.
The vocals are adequate, but they do occasionally venture into over-pronounced charater voice territory. The verses and the bridge noticeably dip into too low a register for the lead singer's voice which feels like an odd choice, considering he is listed among the songwriters.
I do enjoy the instrumental, particulary in the chorus, but "Blood & Glitter" faces tough competition from its fellow entrants. On the one hand, in the more serious end of the spectrum, you have a stronger and more 'credible' metal entry from Australia, and in the campier end, you've got a party metal banger from Finland. I'm afraid Germany might sink towards the bottom of the scoreboard.
★★★
22. Monika Linkytė - Stay (Lithuania) 🇱🇹
Lithuania has a pretty little song this year and I am glad they čiūto tūto'd their way through. The gospel backing vocalists elevate the song beautifully and I wish that they weren't dressed in black which causes them to get lost in the background. I do wonder how much of the backing vocals was sung live though.
While I am happy Lithuania didn't stay in the semi-finals, I do fear they might get lost in the mix in the Grand Final. The song is just a tad on the forgettable side, even if it has been given a great slot towards the end of the running order.
★★★
23. Noa Kirel - Unicorn (Israel) 🇮🇱
We then move on to Israel and Noa Kirel, this year's queen of the tacked-on dance break. The singer performs the track capably and executes the choreography nicely too, but the instrumental break at the end feels completely detached from the rest of the song.
Having said that, I obviously acknowledge that I am not the intended target audience for this type of a song/performance and I'm sure that for viewers with an affinity for this type of stuff, this will hit reasonably hard.
The power of a unicorn, whatever that might be, will likely carry Israel to the top 10 quite comfortably.
★★★
24. Joker Out - Carpe Diem (Slovenia) 🇸🇮
Slovenia's Joker Out gave us such an entertaining show in the second semi-final! The band is having a blast onstage and it shows. The live vocal is solid and there is just an overall playful vibe to the entire thing. What a delight!
I wouldn't mind if the singer perhaps toned down the incessant camera flirt just a little, and I think the filming crew might prefer their cameras unlicked, but what do I know.
Either way, "Carpe Diem" is a fun, infectious, and well-crafted slice of indie rock that has quickly become one of my favourite entries this year. Slovenia's best result to date is 7th (first in 1995 and then again in 2001), but with an entry this good, a performance slot this favourable, and this much stage charisma, could Joker Out even go on to set a new record for their country? I don't think it's unrealistic at all!
★★★★
25. Let 3 - Mama ŠČ! (Croatia) 🇭🇷
If you told me a couple of months ago that a bunch of 60-something-year-old punk shockers stripping from dictator drag to their underwear while singing about buying tractors and armageddon-grannies would be one of the most iconic things to come out of this year's Eurovision edition, I... probably would've believed you, truth be told. While the past decade or so has seen a trend towards more 'serious' entries, the contest inseparably has an underbelly of tongue-in-cheeck eccentricity – which is where Let 3 fits right in.
The Croatian oddballs were one of the most surprising countries to qualify and without a doubt did so thanks to the televote-only semis. And what a joy it is that they did! Even if the live singing sounded at times like drunken karaoke (which kind of even adds to the mood), this anti-authoritarian rock opera is an absolute moment. The pre-recorded backing vocals are actually pretty spectacular and would have sounded grand live (although obviously the six-person rule would prevent the band from having a choir onstage with them).
I think with such a brilliant slot in the running order, and propelled by a unique, striking performance, Croatia might surprise with their televote results. It will definitely tank the jury vote but honestly, who cares – this is one of those entries that people will remember for years to come.
★★★
26. Mae Muller - I Wrote A Song (United Kingdom) 🇬🇧
The coveted closing slot has been given to the hosting country and their representative Mae Muller. I suppose that is only fitting, considering how they really rose to the occasion with organising the event on behalf of Ukraine. Still, I do miss the days when running orders were purely randomised – even if that meant that we might end up with yawn-inducing segments of multiple back-to-back ballads.
"I Wrote A Song" is a story about a jilted lover who, instead of acting on her impulses and committing some punishable offences along the way, chooses to air her ex-partner's dirty laundry in the format of a song. Very clever. What is also clever is the lyricism: I am not usually a fan of songs about songwriting (or meta-songwriting, if you will), but there are some undeniably good lines in there:
"When you said you were leaving
To work on your mental health
You didn’t mention the cheating
You kept that one to yourself"
Musically, the song is a fairly uneventful take on Dua Lipa-esque dance pop that does nothing for me but will probably have its fans.
Singer Mae Muller has an effective staging and attitude in spades, so it's too bad that the vocals are nothing to write home about. On top of that, the melodies are great in the verses but disappointingly weak in the chorus, i.e. where it really matters. There is something almost juvenile about the melodic talk-singing of the chorus, and the spoken word bridge feels like a bad RuPaul's Drag Race rap verse.
Sam Ryder placing second last year made us believe that the UK's curse of terrible Eurovision results had finally been broken. Now it's looking more and more like they're about to freefall right back to the bottom again. That's unfortunate.
★★½
Prediction time
Those were all the entries, now let's make some predictions about the top 10!
- At this point, it would be a shocker for Sweden's Loreen not to claw her way into victory. Having said that, there are two factors at play that might be disadvantageous for her. Firstly, she is performing 9th and an early performance slot tends not to bode well for winning chances. The previous entry to snatch the trophy from such an early slot was 2015's "Heroes" (yes, naturally another Swedish entry), which was performed 10th.
Secondly, Sweden is sandwiched between Spain and Albania, two other entries with strong female vocalists, and unlike Sweden, they have strong ethno vibes that may make "Tattoo" feel generic in comparison.
But even then, with Loreen's cult status, the juries' obsession with Sweden, and the song's unmatched streaming numbers and chart positions, I have a very hard time predicting any other kind of a result than Sweden winning yet again. Yawn. (I do apologise for my Sweden fatigue, but variety is the spice of life. If you have cinnamon rolls every day, you will get tired of them, no matter how delicious they might be.)
Fun fact #1: The last time Loreen won, her biggest competition was a party song sung in a Uralic language. A potential parallel to this year?
Fun fact #2: The last time Sweden sent a returning winner, they went on to lose to a campy metal banger from Finland. Hmm... - Sweden's neighbours Finland and Norway were at some point predicted to round off the top 3 but unless they really nail their performances, I'd predict them to place around the latter half of the top 10. Finland's televote potential is a total wild card here but it will also probably flop the juries more so than Norway. One (or both) could also end up as this year's flopping fan favourites, however.
- Austria is another massive fan favourite but the staging lost some of the light-heartedness of the music video. They are also burdened with the ungrateful role of opening the show. Still, the televote should take them to the top 10.
- Of the Big Five, both France and Italy have great potential with juries and televote alike. I could see France finishing around 5th and Italy right behind that.
- Australia has a memorable tune and a solid live performance, which brings the top 10 comfortably within their reach.
- Another rock number, albeit a more mellow one, is Slovenia's "Carpe Diem". The Australian and Slovenian songs are different enough under the rock umbrella to not necessarily fight for the same exact votes, but there might still not be quite enough room in the top 10 for two rock entries. Realistically, I'd expect both to place somewhere around the 10th place, give or take a couple spots. Fingers crossed for both, though.
- Israel has an excellent slot in the running order as well as probably the best dance break this year. A "SloMo" it is not, but it might still end up in the lower half of the top 10.
- With one last spot in the top 10 to fill, I'm going to take a shot in the dark and say that it will go to Ukraine.
To paraphrase the wholesome comment made by Let 3's lead singer in the first semi-final press conference; in wars, there are no winners, and in the Eurovision Song Contest, there are no losers. That is indeed the case and for all the snark and moaning and groaning, the only reason I'm writing a Eurovision blog is because I love the contest and what it represents.
The Eurovision week is one of the highlights of my year and simply means the world to me. I've never been to the actual venue (yet, anyway), but I was fortunate enough to live in Denmark in 2014 when the contest was held there, so I went to Copenhagen just to go out to the streets, sit down with a friend, and watch the show from one of the massive screens scattered across the city.
There was such a beautiful atmosphere and celebration of unity; everybody was just dancing together, singing together, partying together, and enjoying their time together. People had literally gathered from around the globe and you could feel it in the air that it was a truly special event. And after Conchita Wurst won, there were constant impromptu sing-alongs of "Rise Like A Phoenix" wherever you would go – people would be singing on the streets, out of the windows, on rooftops, at the clubs, you name it. You could absolutely feel the love that transcended borders, nationalities, and languages.
It is that kind of magic that makes Eurovision such a long-lasting, iconic institution, and that keeps me coming back to watching it and writing about it. And I can't wait to tune in to the Grand Final later today to see how things unfold.
Thank you for reading this review, I hope you've enjoyed it.
Happy Eurovision final and good luck to your favourites!
No comments:
Post a Comment