Another month of May is upon us and we all know what that means – it's Eurovision season again. And yet, despite having immersed myself in the contest with near-religious piety for the past twenty years or so, I don't think I've ever been this unenthused about it. What used to be a Christmas in May for fans like me is now nothing short of a raging dumpster fire – and it hasn't even started yet!
Following two years of a certain participating country unashamedly manipulating voting outcomes for politial benefit and propaganda purposes, the EBU (the European Broadcasting Union) has in its boundless wisdom and disappointing, if not surprising, spinelessness chosen to double down on not doing anything to address the issues at hand. They even went on to ignore their own rules in order to prevent a member-requested vote on said country's participation, instead offering a vote on a much-needed rule reform, but only with the caveat that a 'yes' on the rule reform also automatically meant a 'yes' on the Israeli participation. This was all the more farcical considering the rule reform was obviously drafted as a reaction to Israel's actions in the past two editions of the contest to begin with. It's like slapping a bandaid on a leaking dam. YouTubers Stuart MacLean and ESC Gabe have excellent, informative, and well-researched videos on the matter if you're interested.
Previous Eurovision head honcho Martin Österdal was good to go after being booed off the face of the planet, it seems, but any hopes that people might have had for his successor Martin Green have been put firmly on hold over his naïve-at-best, disingenous-at-worst takes on the apoliticality of the contest and his constant unwillingess to respond to and acknowledge the outrage from the fans and national broadcasters – publically, anyway.
Consequently, a mini-exodus of sorts took place, with Ireland, the Netherlands, Slovenia, Spain, and Iceland boycotting the contest. Yes, that's right: we lost five countries – including a seven-time winner as well as one of the Big 5 – just to keep a non-European one in. (Now, just to be perfectly clear: I do not have an issue with Israel participating in general. In fact, my first Eurovision memory that I can recall is of Dana International winning back in 1998. However, the way the country and its broadcaster have operated in the context of the show has made a mockery of it without as much as a slap on the wrist from the EBU, and that is a disgrace.) So yeah, an altogether pretty steep price. I sure hope the EBU is happy, because the ESC community is not.
And to top it all off, the powers that be decided that what the Eurovision really needed was a visual revamp that nobody asked for, so now we've even lost the iconic Eurovision logo in exchange for what looks like an AI slop take on a children's TV show title card. Not to be unnecessarily dramatic but it really feels like the Eurovision we all know and love is eroding away in front of our very eyes.
I did seriously consider boycotting the contest this year, and I was not sure if I wanted to write anything on it either. However, just like for any ESC superfan, the Eurovision is one of the highlights of my year and usually a constant source of joy and light in my life, and that is not something I want to lose. I don't want that to be taken away from me. So, let's soldier on and rate some songs.
1. Satoshi - 'Viva, Moldova!' (Moldova) 🇲🇩
Opening the 70th edition of the Eurovision Song Contest we have 'Viva, Moldova!' from, yes, you guessed it, Moldova. There's quite a bit to unpack here: the backing track is bursting with flavour, with a bunch of traditional instrumentals ranging from a pan flute to an accordion set to a drum-'n'-bass-lite beat. The lyrics embed Moldova in a sea of basic Duolingo-level phrases in various European languages:
'Viva, Moldova! Aloha! Adio, vida loca!
Soroca, Europa, Palma de Mallorca
Salute a tutti, Moldova is on duty
E una, e nova, Republica Moldova!
At first glance, the song might come across as a promotional track commissioned by the Moldovan tourist board, but I would imagine it carries much more symbolic weight for the younger generations living in the country that is currently searching for its place in Europe and the world. Best of luck on that journey.
The song could definitely benefit from more melodic variation as the shouty rapping gets rather monotonous over the three minutes, but you cannot deny the infectious vibes and determined optimism. Thematically, 'Viva, Moldova' reminds me of 2022's 'Trenulețul', another Moldovan entry where a deeper political message of hope is presented in the guise of a fun party track.
★★★
2. Felicia - 'My System' (Sweden) 🇸🇪
We then move on to Sweden and Felicia who is here to amp up the energy, showering the darkened arena with strobe lights and laser beams. The production work is impeccable, as one would expect from Sweden, with the punchy synths and the heavy beat drop tapping into the 2010s EDM craze. And then they throw in a Cascada-like chorus to boot. We are merely two songs in and yet, this is surely the Eurovision club anthem of the year.
As is usual for the genre, there is very little singing during the post-chorus drop, which leaves room for an eventual dance break. However, the choreography – consisting of 50% coordinated posing – completely fails to match the high-octane levels of the instrumental. This is of course subject to change as the national final stagings are frequently reworked for the Eurovision stage, but that did stick out to me nonetheless.
Lyrically, the song is about a situational lover that the narrator just cannot get out of her system, despite having no feelings towards them.
★★★½
3. Lelek - 'Andromeda' (Croatia) 🇭🇷
Representing Croatia, we have the vocal group Lelek and their song 'Andromeda'. Despite the witchy pagan atmosphere of the performance, the song is apparently about the persecution that Catholic Croats suffered at the hands of the Ottoman Empire.
'Andromeda' features a grand and imposing orchestral instrumental that unfolds into an epic, cinematic crescendo. The quintet delivers a somber but impressive vocal performance, utilising their harmonies to a great effect. This year's Croatian entry is reminiscent of 'Tautumeitas' from last year, another folkloristic number sung by an all-female ensemble, even if it never quite reaches the magical, otherwordly highs of the latter.
My main concern is that the dramatic overall quality feels somewhat heavy-handed, teetering on being theatrical for the sake of theatricality. Still, this has the potential of being an arresting, showstopping moment come Tuesday evening.
I'm not exactly sure what Andromeda, the titular princess from Greek mythology, (or alternatively, our nearest neighbouring galaxy) has to do with the topic of the song, though.
★★★
4. Akylas - 'Ferto' (Greece) 🇬🇷
The out-of-the-blue success of 'Cha Cha Cha' back in 2023 gave rise to a new Eurovision sub-genre, namely goofy guys with high-energy party tracks. And it seems like the niche is not going anywhere anytime soon, with the latest inductee being Greece's Akylas. Comparison is the thief of joy, sure, but even his talk-singing delivery is very much giving Käärijä. Not an accusation, just an observation.
A love letter to unadulterated more-is-more materialism, 'Ferto' (Greek for 'bring it') sees Akylas vowing to get all real estate, gold watches, diamond rings, and yachts in the world. The 'Ferto mou, ferto mou, ferto' is an effective hook that is easy to remember and chant along, and the thumping backing track sounds like a video game boss battle theme.
The bridge unexpectely turns the song into a slightly more heartfelt Balkan ballad, during which Akylas sings (quite nicely, if I may add) to his mother about how he promises to provide for the two so that they never have to go without again. This is of course just a momentary ruse, and with a nonchalant 'whatever', the song quickly returns to fertoing for the rest of its runtime.
'Ferto' has an irresistible energy and it immediately strikes me as an obvious contender for the top spot. The insatiable, ultra-consumeristic yearnings of the lyrics are so over the top that, together with the tongue-in-cheek personality of the singer, it is impossible not to take the whole thing as a decidedly self-ironic affair (and thankfully so).
★★★★
5. Bandidos do Cante - 'Rosa' (Portugal) 🇵🇹
It is in a way admirable how commited Portugal is to sending entries that channel that sort of mellow, saudade-tinged mood that we typically associate with Portuguese music. And 'Rosa' just might be one of the most Portugal things that the country has ever Portugaled.
The song is a sweet little number that makes for a soothing, calming listen, like a warm blanket or a loving hug for your ears. There isn't really much to say about it. 'Rosa' is an endearing song, and the group performs it beautifully, but sadly they reinvent a total of zero wheels along the way. It is absolutely not bad by any means, it's just that there is nothing exciting, or creative, or particularly arresting about it.
Salvador Sobral, the Portuguese Eurovision winner from 2017 once (in)famously said that 'music is not fireworks, music is feeling'. And fair enough, but one might struggle to stand out among 35 entries with a lullaby, no matter how lovely it is. Still, I commend Portugal for just keeping on doing its thing.
★★★
6. Bzikebi - 'On Replay' (Georgia) 🇬🇪
Moving on, we've got Georgia. Bzikebi actually already have some claim to Eurovision fame in that they previously won the 2008 Junior Eurovision Song Contest. And now, 18 years later, this trio of busy bees is all grown up and ready to take on the proper ESC gauntlet.
It is then perhaps rather ironic that 'On Replay' sounds like something that could have competed in the adult Eurovision at the same time as they were conquering the junior stage. The late-2000s-Eurovision-style production sounds dated and there is very little of substance to the song. The songwriting also doesn't give the group many vocal showcase moments to try and distract from the forgettable mediocrity of it all.
Lyrically, there is exceptionally little going on even by Eurovision standards, and on that front it is barely a step up from their 2008 Junior ESC winning entry 'Bzzz'. (And I'm going to ruin the joke by explaining that the latter had literally no words whatsoever and consisted exclusively of buzzing sounds made by the trio.) The pre-chorus line 'Don't think / Let go' seems like suitable advice for partygoers and lyrical analysts alike.
★★
Sal Da Vinci - 'Per Sempre Sì' (Italy) 🇮🇹
Italy is the first of this year's five automatic finalists. Translating to 'Forever yes', 'Per Sempre Sì' is an ode to life-long love and commitment to one's spouse, describing how there is an eternity to be found in a simple 'yes' (as in 'I do'). The song could easily be a timeless slice of classic, old-school Italian disco from the 1970s, and although it does not offer an especially unique take on the genre, it is catchy enough to stick to your brain on the first listen.
Singer Sal Da Vinci is not here to deploy gimmicks or chase after trends, he's just here to have a good time and sing about love. And you know what? I love that for him.
★★★½
7. Linda Lampenius and Pete Parkkonen - 'Liekinheitin' (Finland) 🇫🇮
Something strange happened in Finland during the pandemic because after the cancelled contest of 2020, the historically shaky Eurovision country has managed to establish itself as something of a serious powerhouse in the eyes of the fan community. Building on the momentum of the past couple of years, Finland is actually entering the contest as a frontrunner in the odds. But it goes without saying that odds are just odds and no points have been given yet.
I can see why 'Liekinheitin' (Finnish for 'Flamethrower') has been earmarked as a potential contender, though. It's quite clever how the song is basically written as a dramatic duet, but with the other half replying with a violin instead of a voice. The call and response between the two eventually culminates in an intense, suspenseful climax. The lyrics see the narrator chasing after his aloof lover who refuses to acknowledge him in public, alternating between hot as fire and cold as ice. The liekinheitin/flamethrower thing is a tad clumsy both as a lyrical analogy and as a vocal hook but other than that, this is a very competent entry.
Lampenius – an accomplished classical concert violist who first started her career at the age of seven, 49 years ago – is a striking vision, shredding her violin against a backdrop of flames, the train of her silver dress billowing in the wind. You've heard of Epic Sax Guy, now get ready for Epic Violin Lady.
'Liekinheitin' also features one of the horniest lines of the year, translating to 'For a couple of nights, I can't reach you / Can a human die of heat?'. Between this and last year's 'Ich Komme', I'm starting to think there is something in the water in Finland.
★★★★
8. Tamara Živković - 'Nova Zora' (Montenegro) 🇲🇪
We're at entry number 8 (or 9, including Italy) and what is starting to emerge to me is that so far, the overall flavour of the year is quite dark and brooding in nature. And Montenegro is keeping up with that trend.
A post-break-up self-empowerment anthem (another common Eurovision sub-genre), 'Nova Zora' is the sound of a woman scorned set to a backdrop of theatrical chanting and a circuit remix chorus. A new day is coming, sings Tamara Živković, but whether there is a spot in the Grand Final in the horizon remains to be seen. I do fear this might struggle to stand out as I do not find it especially memorable, but we're only halfway through the running order so anything could still happen. Shockingly, if this were to qualify for the final, that would only be the third time for Montenegro since its debut back in 2007 (the first two being 2014 and 2015).
I will say that the choreography is probably going to benefit greatly from a larger stage and wider camera angles.
★★½
9. Vanilla Ninja - 'Too Epic To Be True' (Estonia) 🇪🇪
The Estonian group Vanilla Ninja are actually Eurovision returnees, having previously competed in 2005 – although back then representing Switzerland. A bit random, but they did finish with a very respectable 8th place that year. And just like Georgia's Bzikebi around the same era, they are back with a song that could've just as well been released during their first foray into the world of Eurovision. That is to say, a song that sounds pretty dated.
With late-2000s pop rock vibes and lines like 'Too epic to be true / But here I am with you', you could easily imagine 'Too Epic To Be True' soundtracking the teenage romance of two noughties mall emo kids sharing a pair of headphones to be cute. But hearing it being performed by 40-year-olds just leaves a juvenile impression. And who in their right mind uses the word 'epic' like this in 20-flipping-26? Geez.
What does shine through, however, is how comfortable and confident the trio are on stage. If only the material were up to par.
★★½
10. Noam Bettan - 'Michelle' (Israel) 🇮🇱
Alright, we then have Israel. After two years of unabashed and aggressive ad campaings aimed at manipulating the televote, which went on to prompt a rule reform to prevent such behaviour in the future, what does the KAN do? Get caught doing the same stuff again, although this time escaping on a technicality by pinning it on the artist. Let us all get our surprised Pikachu faces on. At least this time, the EBU issued a formal warning, which is more than can be said of the past two years.
Anyway, the song. Sung in three languages for maximum pandering, 'Michelle' is a story about walking away from a toxic relationship. Eurovision artists really love singing about those, don't they. Musically, it's a half-baked nothingburger of a ballad. Not terrible, but forgettable.
I do have to commend Israel for something: the post-chorus call and response inviting for audience participation is a very bold choice considering the Austrian host broadcaster is not going to use anti-booing technology this year. Uh-oh.
★★
Sarah Engels - 'Fire' (Germany) 🇩🇪
★
11. Essyla - 'Dancing on the Ice' (Belgium) 🇧🇪
Ah, Belgium feels like a welcome palate cleanser after what preceded it. There is something incredibly addictive about 'Dancing on the Ice', and I've often found myself listening to it on replay ever since first hearing it. The instrumental is relatively minimal but refreshingly so, with the mindfully constructed backing track given just enough room to breathe. Musically, the song brings to mind Lorde and wouldn't sound out of place on, say, Pure Heroine. Essyla has a cool, interesting voice that fits the indie feel of the track nicely, and the magical bridge gives her an opportunity to show off some range.
The one concern I have is that on the music video, Essyla appears fairly stiff in front of the camera, and having stage presence is crucial in this competition. There is no official live performance available for reference, so I'm currently going off of an (admittedly excellent) studio recording, meaning that my rating might presently be a tad on the optimistic side.
★★★★½
12. Lion Ceccah - 'Sólo Quiero Más' (Lithuania) 🇱🇹
Is it just me or are we experiencing some sort of late 2000s/early 2010s Eurovision revival this year? The Lithuanian entry is yet another that could've been lifted from that time period without anyone batting an eye. With a healthy dose of melodrama, a simple club beat in the chorus, a gimmicky staging, and a gratuitous phrase in another European language thrown in for good measure, 'Sólo Quiero Más' essentially ticks all the boxes the fandom were looking for back then.
The verses I actually enjoy and they have an air of mystery to them. It's just that the choruses are a stuffy throwback which makes them the weakest part of the song in my opinion.
Singer Lion Ceccah does clearly have a nice voice to him, but I'm not sure if that's going to be enough to elevate the song. On a side note, he is going to be finding glitter everywhere well into the summer months. Hats off to the commitment to the bit.
★★½
13. Senhit - 'Superstar' (San Marino) 🇸🇲
Here is another Eurovision returnee: Senhit last represented San Marino in 2021 with the memorable fan favourite 'Adrenalina'. And well, it looks like we're staying in the past for this one. Sounding like the RuPaul song of the same name from 2011 rewritten to the chorus of Rihanna's 2010 single 'Only Girl (In the World)', the song is a regrettably trite and unimaginative attempt at Eurovision stardom with lyrics such as 'Oh baby there you are / Go, go and get it like a superstar'.
Also, Boy George is there for some reason to add two completely unnecessary lines that might as well have been snatched from a Real Housewife song ('All the boys at bar sipping cool champagne / All the girls on the dance floor freaking insane'). Senhit, honey, you deserve better than this.
At this point, Senhit is quite literally responsible for 1 in 4 Sammarinese Eurovision participations. It kind of makes me feel like she's the only girl in the country. Except that of course she isn't, seeing that she's actually not even from there.
★★
14. Alicja - 'Pray' (Poland) 🇵🇱
We then move on to Poland and holy smokes, would you listen to those vocals! Alicja is fully taking us to the church, but only momentarily, as the spiritual gospel section soon pivots into a Beyoncé-esque trap number. The quick change from 'I gotta just pray, pray, pray' to 'Pretty girls rock / I've been on my shit, now it's pretty on top' is almost enough to give you whiplash. The soulful backing vocals thankfully remain throughout the song.
Alicja is an indisputable powerhouse vocalist and I would expect 'Pray' to be one of the biggest vocal moments of the year. I do wish the staging included the backing singers instead of some random dancers, however, as it would be a delight to see all this delicious vocal action happen live in front of the cameras instead of through pre-recorded voices. Well, you can't get it all.
'Pray' is an altogether top-notch entry, even if its umistakably Americanised sound makes it feel out of place on the Eurovision stage.
★★★★
15. Lavina - 'Kraj Mene' (Serbia) 🇷🇸
Finally, we have Serbia closing off the first semi-final. Bleak, harsh, and oppressive, 'Kraj Mene' rolls over you like a gothic metal funeral march, and although I'm not exactly in the target audience for this kind of music, I honestly kind of live. The song is memorable on the first listen and something just makes this brutalist wall of sound appeal to me.
In the national final performance, the lead singer's vocals disappointingly fell short of the studio version, but hopefully they will have improved by the semi-final as I would really like to see this do well. I loathe the idea that there is such a thing as 'Eurovision music' that you need to fit in neatly in order to be able to do well in the contest. The more entries there are that defy these stereotypes and expand on the general public's perceptions, the better.
★★★½
Predictions
Alright, those were the 15 participants vying for a place in the Grand Final – but who is going to advance? Let's make some predictions!
No need to sweat it
- I can see Finland being the semi-final winner, with Greece and Sweden rounding off the top 3.
Probable qualifiers
- Israel has quintupled its PR budget so yeah, they should be swell.
- Poland has an expertly crafted gospel-meets-trap number and excellent vocals so its qualification should be a no-brainer. The country tends to normally do better in the televote but this time they are packing some serious jury appeal too, and the juries are back in the semi-finals following the recent rule reform.
Could go either way
- Belgium is a personal favourite of mine, which is admittedly often a kiss of death. Still, with a solid live performance, the song could stand out enough with its sleek production and contemporary pop sounds.
- Estonia has a happy-go-lucky uptempo song (and if I'm not mistaken, one of only two songs played in a major key in this semi-final), which should help them stand out.
- Moldova and Greece compete for the same voters, with the latter being the stronger of the two. Still, 'Viva, Moldova!' is a delightful explosion of colour that might pull through as well.
- Serbia has the heaviest song in this semi-final, and although there likely isn't be a massive overlap between metalheads and Eurovision fans, 'Kraj mene' has the potential to be a borderline qualifier. That would require a considerable boost from the televote, however.
- I could see Croatia and Montenegro sort of occupying a similar theatrical niche, the former having a more orchestral approach while the latter is more club-oriented. Of the two, Croatia has the better chances.
- Lithuania has great verses but a let-down of a chorus. Taken as a whole, the song leaves me wanting more.
It's not looking great
- Georgia will have people reaching for the skip button.
- Although a pleasant moment of calm among the melodrama of it all, Portugal is probably just too bland to gain enough votes to qualify.
- San Marino is much too derivative to shine enough. But don't feel too bad about it, I'm sure we'll see Senhit back eventually. Perhaps fifth time's the charm.
Okay, so that's semi-final 1 done. Tuesday night will show how accurate these predictions were in the end, but this is all for shits and gigs anyway. If you've enjoyed this, make sure to tune in for my review of the second semi-final entries as well.
Happy Eurovision week everyone!
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