Now that the first and the second semi-finals are over, we have out final line-up of 25 finalists – how exciting! But by the gods, what did we have to endure to get there. Hand on my heart, I can safely say that this has probably been among the worst-hosted contests in a while.
Among other things, we had
- bland hosts with no chemistry or stage charisma,
- fans regurgitating EBU talking points as personal Eurovision experiences,
- desparate attempts by the hosts to encourage spreading televote points across multiple countries as a thinly-veiled attempt to counteract
Israelitelevote machinations, - pointless quiz segments that both forgot to be funny and end, and
- whatever the hell the Austria vs Australia skit was supposed to be. At least Go-Jo seemed, ahem, happy to be there.
So this year's contest has been an absolute slog to get through, on top of the incessant pre-season drama. I would be lying if I said that I've found it particularly enjoyable (which was to be expected), and I know I'm not alone in this sentiment.
Well, it'll all be over in a moment so we might as well try and have some fun with it. Let's scrutinise some songs then, shall we.
1. Søren Torpegaard Lund - 'Før Vi Går Hjem' (Denmark) 🇩🇰
Poor Denmark – the one time that they actually have a realistic chance at winning, they are burdened with the thankless opening slot in the running order. The performance is an identical replication of what we saw in the Dansk Melodi Grand Prix but hey, if it works, it works.
I will say that the semi-final performance perhaps lacked just a little bit of extra oomph compared to the national final one. I particularly miss that raw note at the end of the bridge. Still, Denmark is likely gearing for its best result since 2018 when they finished 9th.
★★★★
2. Sarah Engels - 'Fire' (Germany) 🇩🇪
If there is one place in the running order more dreaded than the opening slot, that would be performing second. Fortunately, that spot is occupied by Germany and nothing of value was lost because of it.
Almost shocking in its unoriginality, the German representative is shamelessly reheating past decade's girly bop nachos (do the kids still say that?). The entry is a travesty that out to be killed with yeah yeah, fire.
★
3. Noam Bettan - 'Michelle' (Israel) 🇮🇱
If there is one thing that the nothingburger that is the Israeli entry has given us, it is a lesson of how not to film against mirrors. The camera crew does important work but come on, it should be TV production 101 that you should never be able to see them, particularly for a non-stop 20-second run. Ouch.
Regardless what you think of the song, we all know that just like last year, Israel is magically going to net several hundreds of points in the televote, yet be mysteriously absent from any radioplay or streaming charts. Funny that.
★★
4. Essyla - 'Dancing on the Ice' (Belgium) 🇧🇪
I absolutely love the studio version of 'Dancing on the Ice' and have been addicted to it the past couple of weeks. I was delighted to see them advance to the Grand Final, although I suspect it was with an uncomfortably close margin. The staging is cool but the live vocal is patchy and inconsistent. I think we're sadly looking at a 20+ placement for Belgium this year.
★★★½
5. Alis - 'Nân' (Albania) 🇦🇱
I'm also a tad devastated to see Albania stuck this early in the running order. I genuinely got goosebumps watching the performance and had mentally pegged this as an underdog contender, but climbing to the top from this early will be an uphill battle, particularly with Albania being as underrated (again) as they often are.
I hope they will fix the subtitle issue by adding a black outline by Saturday night as currently, some of the lyrics are impossible to read.
Either way, 'Nân' is incredible and it already breaks my heart to have to prepare for the inevitable robbery.
★★★★½
6. Akylas - 'Ferto' (Greece) 🇬🇷
The producers often have a sense of humour what it comes to assembling the running order. Most memorably, they put the middle-finger-themed entries of 2011 (that is 'I Don't Feel Hate' and 'Dark Side') back to back. This year, you can see the same with the one-two punch of Albania and Greece, both sunglass-wearing male singers from the Balkans who remove their eyewear when singing to their mothers.
Greece was one of the big fan favourites going into this competition, and they do have a crazy catchy song to earn it. It is unfortunate then that they felt the need to overstage the performance, with the Denmark 2023-esque rotating house prop at times feeling like an obstacle course for Akylas to dash through. This is one of those instances where the national final staging remains superior and should have been used as the basis for the Eurovision performance as well.
Having said that, ferto mou, ferto mou, ferto, ferto mou, ferto mou, ferto... It's still quite the earworm!
★★★★
7. Leléka - 'Ridnym' (Ukraine) 🇺🇦
Ukraine's Leléka gave an excellent rendition of 'Ridnym', with the impossibly long note during the bridge being a definite highlight (even if it ended a bit shakily). Hopefully she will nail it come Saturday night as the vocals are a big selling point for this entry.
The chorus is still much too Disney musical for my liking but the overall quality is undeniable. Even if Ukraine is probably not fighting for the very top spots this year, a top 10 finish should be fully within their reach.
★★★★
8. Delta Goodrem - 'Eclipse' (Australia) 🇦🇺
Following the second semi-final, Australia's Delta Goodrem has emerged as one of the brightest stars of this year's contest. As Australia currently chooses their representatives internally, there was no national final performance to compare to, and that element of surprise has really played in their favour.
And I mean, Delta being hoisted up in the air by the piano lift against the backfrop of falling sparks was, like, Céline Dion Las Vegas residency levels of camp.
Whether 'Eclipse' is still too Eurovision-by-numbers to truly overshadow the competition remains to be seen, but Delta sells the material with such professionalism that one might feel minded to look past it.
★★★★
9. Lavina - 'Kraj Mene' (Serbia) 🇷🇸
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★½
10. Aidan - 'Bella' (Malta) 🇲🇹
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★½
11. Daniel Zizka - 'Crossroads' (Czechia) 🇨🇿
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★½
12. Dara - 'Bangaranga' (Bulgaria) 🇧🇬
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★½
13. Lelek - 'Andromeda' (Croatia) 🇭🇷
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★½
14. Look Mum No Computer - 'Eins, Zwei, Drei' (United Kingdom) 🇬🇧
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★½
15. Monroe - 'Regarde !' (France) 🇫🇷
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★½
16. Satoshi - 'Viva, Moldova!' (Moldova) 🇲🇩
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★½
17. Linda Lampenius & Pete Parkkonen - 'Liekinheitin' (Finlandn) 🇫🇮
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★½
18. Alicja - 'Pray' (Poland) 🇵🇱
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★½
19. Lion Ceccah - 'Sólo Quiero Más' (Lithuania) 🇱🇹
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★½
20. Felicia - 'My System' (Sweden) 🇸🇪
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★½
21. Antigoni - 'Jalla' (Cyprus) 🇨🇾
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★½
22. Sal Da Vinci - 'Per Sempre Sì' (Italy) 🇮🇹
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★½
23. Jonas Lovv - 'Ya Ya Ya' (Norway) 🇳🇴
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★½
24. Alexandra Căpitănescu - 'Choke Me' (Romania) 🇷🇴
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★½
25. Cosmó - 'Tanzschein' (Austria) 🇦🇹
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★½
Predictions
So, those were are 25 finalists – and there was quite a bit of drama and big notes between them. But which one of them will go on to snatch the ultimate prize, namely the coveted glass microphone trophy and the title of the next Eurovision winner?
After scoring 9/10 on both the semi-final predictions, I'm feeling lucky tonight. Let's hazard some guesses, then!
Here is my predicted top 10 in alphabetical order:
- Albania is a personal favourite of mine and in an ideal world, even winning the whole thing shouldn't be out of its reach. In real life, however, the country remains underappreciated and I'm already preparing myself for the inevitable disappointment (with the continent of Europe, that is, not the song itself). Still, I want to believe in a top 10 placement.
- Australia has emerged as a bit of a late-game contender due to the viewers not having seen the stage performance before. Delta Goodrem is an excellent vocalist but the song's datedness and lack of originality dims her chances at rising all the way to the top.
- I feel like Denmark might have lost a little bit of steam along the way but it should still do well enough.
- Israel will astroturf its way to the top, no matter who sternly the EBU will wag a finger at it.
- Finland has been the one to beat from the very beginning so there is no way they won't finish in the top 5.
- France will serve us technical perfection but with not much soul to it. Still, the juries will lap it up.
- Greece will bring it, even if the staging is something of a let-down that might hinder it from going all the way.
- The points that Poland receives tend to have a clear bias towards the televote, but this year's 'Pray' has all the potential for being a hit with the juries. This might be enough to catapult them to the top-left corner of the scoreboard.
- Sweden is in the top pretty much by default, year after year. This is not an especially strong entry for the country but it should still land somewhere towards the bottom of the top 10.
- A similarly ever-successful participant, Ukraine too a lock-in for a top 10 finish, although probably in its second half.
As for the winner, I'm going to guess that our eventual champion will be Finland. Tampere 2027, here we come.
Alright, now that I've done my best to read the tea leaves and tell the future, all there is to do is to sit back and try and make the most of tonight. Goodness do I sound pessimistic or what, just Eeyoring all over this week.
Perhaps things will be smoother in 2027 and that the necessary actions will be taken in order to safeguard the integrity of the contest. I just want Eurovision to be restored to what it was just a couple of years ago: a kaleidoscopic festival of colours, and sounds, and flavours. A celebration of unity and love. And above all, fun.
Well, here's hoping. A wonderful Eurovision Grand Final to all and see you next year!
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