Now that the first and the second semi-finals are over, we have our final line-up of 25 finalists – how exciting! But by the gods, what did we have to endure to get there. Hand on my heart, I can safely say that this has been among the worst-hosted contests in a while.
Among other things, we had
- bland hosts with no chemistry or stage charisma whatsoever,
- fans regurgitating EBU talking points word-for-word as 'personal' Eurovision experiences,
- half-assed postcards that had the artists greenscreened in as semi-transparent projections,
- desparate attempts by the hosts to encourage spreading televote points across multiple countries as a thinly-veiled attempt to counteract
Israelitelevote machinations, - pointless quiz segments that both forgot to be funny and end, and
- whatever the hell the Austria vs Australia skit was supposed to be. At least Go-Jo seemed, ahem, happy to be there.
So this year's contest has been an absolute slog to get through, on top of the incessant pre-season drama. I would be lying if I said that I've found it particularly enjoyable (which was to be expected), and I know I'm not alone in this sentiment.
Well, it'll all be over in a moment so we might as well try and have some fun with it. Let's scrutinise some songs then, shall we.
1. Søren Torpegaard Lund - 'Før Vi Går Hjem' (Denmark) 🇩🇰
Poor Denmark – the one time that they actually have a realistic chance at winning, they are burdened with the thankless opening slot in the running order. The performance is an identical replication of what we saw in the Dansk Melodi Grand Prix but hey, if it works, it works.
I will say that the semi-final performance perhaps lacked just a little bit of extra oomph compared to the national final one. I particularly miss that raw note at the end of the bridge. Still, Denmark is likely gearing for its best result since 2018 when they finished 9th.
★★★★
2. Sarah Engels - 'Fire' (Germany) 🇩🇪
If there is one place in the running order more dreaded than opening the show, that would be performing second. Fortunately, this year's death slot is occupied by Germany and nothing of value will be lost because of it.
Almost shocking in its unoriginality, the German representative is shamelessly reheating past decade's girly bop nachos (do the kids still say that?) to no avail. The entry is a travesty that ought to be killed with yeah yeah, fire.
★
3. Noam Bettan - 'Michelle' (Israel) 🇮🇱
If I were to find one positive thing to say about the nothingburger that is the Israeli entry has given us, it is a lesson in how not to film against mirrors. The camera crew does important work but come on, it should be TV production 101 to keep them out of the frame, particularly for a non-stop 20-second run. Ouch.
Regardless what you think of the song, we all know that just like last year, Israel is magically going to net several hundreds of points in the televote, yet be mysteriously absent from any radioplay or streaming charts afterwards. Funny that.
★★
4. Essyla - 'Dancing on the Ice' (Belgium) 🇧🇪
I absolutely love the studio version of 'Dancing on the Ice' and have been addicted to it the past couple of weeks. I was delighted to see them advance to the Grand Final, although I suspect it was with an uncomfortably close margin. The staging is cool but the live vocal is patchy and inconsistent. I think we're sadly looking at a 20+ placement for Belgium this year.
★★★½
5. Alis - 'Nân' (Albania) 🇦🇱
I'm also a tad devastated to see Albania stuck this early in the running order. I genuinely got goosebumps watching the semi-final performance and had mentally pegged this as an underdog contender, but climbing to the top from this early will be an uphill battle, particularly with Albania again being as underrated as they often are.
I hope they will fix the subtitle issue by adding a black outline by Saturday night as currently, some of the lyrics are impossible to read against the bright background.
Either way, 'Nân' is incredible and it already breaks my heart to have to prepare for the inevitable robbery.
★★★★½
6. Akylas - 'Ferto' (Greece) 🇬🇷
The producers often have a sense of humour what it comes to assembling the running order. Most memorably, they put the middle-finger-themed entries of 2011 (i.e. 'I Don't Feel Hate' and 'Dark Side') back to back. This year, you can see a similar instance with the one-two punch of Albania and Greece, both sunglass-wearing male singers from the Balkans who remove their eyewear when singing to their mothers.
Greece was one of the big fan favourites going into this competition and they do have a crazy catchy song to earn it with. It is unfortunate then that they felt the need to overstage the performance, with the Denmark 2023-esque rotating house prop at times feeling like an obstacle course for Akylas to dash through. This is one of those instances where the less-is-more national final staging remains superior and should have been used as the basis for the Eurovision performance as well.
Having said that, ferto mou, ferto mou, ferto, ferto mou, ferto mou, ferto... It's quite the earworm!
★★★½
7. Leléka - 'Ridnym' (Ukraine) 🇺🇦
Ukraine's Leléka gave an excellent rendition of 'Ridnym', with the impossibly long note during the bridge being a definite highlight (even if it ended a bit shakily). Hopefully she will nail it come Saturday night as the vocals are a big selling point for this entry.
The chorus is still much too Disney musical for my liking but the overall quality is undeniable. Even if Ukraine is probably not fighting for the very top spots this year, a top 10 finish should be an entirely realistic outcome.
★★★★
8. Delta Goodrem - 'Eclipse' (Australia) 🇦🇺
Following the second semi-final, Australia's Delta Goodrem has emerged as one of the brighter stars of this year's contest. As Australia currently chooses their representatives internally, there was no national final performance to compare to, and that element of surprise has really played in their favour.
And I mean, Delta being hoisted up in the air by the piano lift against the backdrop of falling sparks was, like, Céline Dion Las Vegas residency levels of camp.
Whether 'Eclipse' is nevertheless too Eurovision-by-numbers to truly overshadow the competition remains to be seen, but Delta sells the material with such professionalism that one might feel minded to look past it.
★★★★
9. Lavina - 'Kraj Mene' (Serbia) 🇷🇸
Although 'Kraj Mene' is not necessarily my usual cup of tea, I was delighted to see it advance to Saturday's Grand Final. I mentioned this before, but I think it's great to have entries that push the (perceived) boundaries of what Eurovision music is or can be.
That said, the semi-final performance left me underwhelmed in terms of the singing. More preoccupied with serving theatrics than vocals, the first verse if completely whispery and in the first chorus you can barely hear the lead singer. Towards the second half the vocals do eventually pick up but if Serbia wishes to place well on the final night, the vocals absolutely need to be stronger from start to finish.
★★½
10. Aidan - 'Bella' (Malta) 🇲🇹
I had envisioned Malta as a borderline non-qualifier but I was clearly proven wrong. Still, I find it to be mediocrity personified: the song is forgettable and the singing is serviceable but not that great – and it takes more than a conventionally attractive man in a leather club cowboy get-up to distract from that.
Be that as it may, I'm not mad about Malta qualifying. I do also appreciate the inclusion of the Maltese language in a Eurovision entry for the first time since 2000's 'Desire'.
★★★
11. Daniel Zizka - 'Crossroads' (Czechia) 🇨🇿
The Czech entry has really grown on me during this Eurovision season for reasons I'm not entirely sure of. The singer's voice is lovely and the instrumental takes me back to that sort of ethereal 90s new-age music.
I don't think this has any realistic shot at winning as it's cut from a cloth not too dissimilar to the past two winners. 'Crossroads' also comes across as more of an unhurried mood piece rather than a dynamic, structured track. This is not a criticism on my part and it actually only makes me love it all the more, but it might not translate optimally on the Eurovision stage.
All the same, 'Crossroads' is an utterly stunning number that has stealthily emerged as one of my personal favourites this year.
Also, this is how you do mirror effects without ruining the illusion. I spent half the performance staring at the reflections and their angles and trying to figure it all out. I haven't entirely ruled out witchcraft yet.
★★★★
12. Dara - 'Bangaranga' (Bulgaria) 🇧🇬
I'd hesitate to use the expression 'brain rot' here, but 'Bangaranga' does feel like a party anthem for the TikTok generation's attention span. I recognise I'm not the intended audience and I'm at peace with that.
I also struggle to connect the dots between the staging and the song. The singer is dancing in a rotating waiting room with a crew looking like they were recruited from an autoerotic asphyxiationists anonymous meeting. Singer Dara is also dressed as Freddie Mercury in the 'I Want To Break Free' music video, except she's got porcupine hair for some reason. I'm sure the symbolism runs deep though it escapes me.
Cynicism aside, this year only features three girl dance bops, a genre that used to be ubiquitous up until recently. Perhaps that's a sign of the trend finally having run its course for now. On the other hand, of the three that there are, 'Bangaranga' has the sharpest choreo and the highest viral potential which should play in its favour in netting votes. Because the vocal prowess (or lack thereof) definitely will not.
★★
13. Lelek - 'Andromeda' (Croatia) 🇭🇷
Croatia's 'Andromeda' is not the first Eurovision song written about the historical oppression experienced by a group of people. Last year's 'Asteromáta' was about the Pontic Greek genocide, while Jamala's winning song from 2016 was about the persecution of the Crimean Tatars during the Soviet rule. Both gorgeous, touching songs.
Meanwhile, Lelek's torn robes and ritualistic tattoos come across less like an inspiration or tribute and more like a musical theatre dramatisation of the subject or a Game of Thrones-esque fantasy epic. And are you ready for a possibly unpopular opinion? The more I listen to 'Andromeda', the more overly grandiose and... costumey I find it. I don't know if you can say that about music but I'm going to do so anyway.
★★★
14. Look Mum No Computer - 'Eins, Zwei, Drei' (United Kingdom) 🇬🇧
The United Kingdom's 'Eins, Zwei, Drei' goes to show that the country still doesn't get Eurovision (which feels strange to say when the country has won the contest five times). Trying far too hard to be funny and quirky, it ultimately forgets to be good.
There is of course room for a sense of humour in a Eurovision song, and it can be done effectively. Look Mum No Computer's schoolboy-like charm is endearing on some level, but the constant slapstick approach to everything stumbles into awkwardness.
The backing dancers wear big, green, furry monitors over their heads and partake in choreo that is neither impressive or entertaining. A 'when I say X, you say Y' audience participation bit is perhaps the most unimaginative way possible to fill the bridge, but that's exactly what we're getting.
The synth-heavy instrumental continues to slap, however. It's just a real shame nothing else measures to it.
★★
15. Monroe - 'Regarde !' (France) 🇫🇷
It is wild how anyone can sound like that and be that natural on stage at 17. Navigating through the performance with a confident ease, Monroe hits every note and looks like she's having a blast doing it.
There is no doubt that 'Regarde !' is a technical showcase polished to perfection. And yet, even at the risk of sounding greedy or unfair, it leaves me wanting more. Just a touch of vulnerability, of sincerity, of humanity – particularly when the song is about love, something that according to the lyrics hits you like a lightning bolt.
I have my doubts regarding whether an operatic singer (no matter how talented) will capture Europe's hearts for a third year in a row, but the juries will not overlook this.
★★★½
16. Satoshi - 'Viva, Moldova!' (Moldova) 🇲🇩
Moldova is one of those countries that just embraces the cheerful, colourful side of Eurovision and does it exceptionally well. The shaky camerawork and close shots make the performance feel like music video at times, which complements the infectious track nicely. I can see 'Viva, Moldova!' easily securing a top 10 result in the televote even if the juries might not live for this quite as much.
Having Aliona Moon reprise her towering dress moment from 2013 was a fun throwback and a neat Easter egg for long-time Eurovision fans.
★★★½
17. Linda Lampenius & Pete Parkkonen - 'Liekinheitin' (Finland) 🇫🇮
Finland's Linda Lampenius and Pete Parkkonen really delivered and set the stage on fire with this one, huh. They were justifiably seen as an instant frontrunner from the very beginning, but that is not an automatically favourable position: how do you maintain the momentum and not lose steam over the months leading to the main event?
The UMK staging was essentially brought to Vienna as is. Perhaps it could've been revamped slightly as it is rather static. Pete moping around like a tortured, lovesick puppy also comes across as one-note. Some increased dynamicity could've brought an element of surprise and fuelled the performance even more. This is just me nitpicking, however, and 'Liekinheitin' remains a clear contender for the top spots.
Also, hot damn – the way Linda shreds her violin against the flaming backdrop should (and probably will) make her an instant Eurovision icon.
★★★★
18. Alicja - 'Pray' (Poland) 🇵🇱
When Poland advanced to the Grand Final, I saw a lot of people referring to them as something of a surprise qualifier, which I found to be absolute madness. Did they not have ears or taste? Alicja sounded incredible and delivered some of the best vocals of the year.
Even so, I will maintain that as such a distinctly Americanised effort, 'Pray' does sound out of place in a contest that is supposed to be a celebration of European music and culture. Like Beyoncé and Alicia Keys wrapped into one, this is far more Super Bowl halftime show than Eurovision. The quality is undeniable, though.
★★★★
19. Lion Ceccah - 'Sólo Quiero Más' (Lithuania) 🇱🇹
Lithuania, on the other hand, was a genuine surprise finalist that I did not see coming. But good on them!
The verses have a cool air of mystery to them but everything else is helplessly dated. Furthermore, the vocals sound strained during the choruses and the ad libs were off-key at times, which doesn't exactly help to sell the song.
While Lithuania managed to continue its unbroken 2020s qualifying streak, I fear they might be heading towards their lowest placement this decade.
★★½
20. Felicia - 'My System' (Sweden) 🇸🇪
Now, don't crucify me for this... but was the Swedish entry pretty underwhelming? I know it can't be just me. The stage direction cannot make up its mind whether it wants Felicia to do some low-energy choreo or just awkwardly stand there during the post-chorus beat drop while the dancers do their thing around her. The Melodifestivalen performance tried to hide it better but here you can't look past how stiff things look.
Another thing that fell flat were her vocals. Really the only thing that goes hard here is the beat drop.
While it sometimes feels like Sweden ranks high by virtue of being Sweden, and I do expect 'My System' to be decently successful as well, I at the same time wouldn't be too surprised if it were to bring the country's worst result since their 2010 non-qualification.
★★½
21. Antigoni - 'Jalla' (Cyprus) 🇨🇾
Speaking of middling vocals, we then have Cyprus. And wow this is rough.
It's mindblowing that 'Jalla' qualified with vocals this weak. She sounds like a pop singer performing at an 8 am morning show after a heavy night of clubbing, plenty of tequila shots, and a whole packet of cigarettes. That is to say, there is not much in the way of voice.
But the song is moderately catchy and I suppose the shortage of girly dance bops meant that almost anything in that category was going to go through.
Also, how are you going to opa! your way through a choreography featuring plates and then not break a single one of them? Antigoni's plates are like the polar opposite of Chekhov's gun and I take issue with that.
★★
22. Sal Da Vinci - 'Per Sempre Sì' (Italy) 🇮🇹
A charmingly dated retro disco tune, the Italian entry feels like a more romantically inclined spiritual successor to 'Say Na Na Na', the 2019 earworm from Europe's favourite singing dentist Serhat. Thankfully, Sal Da Vinci's vocal performance is much more serviceable than the former's, even if I still wouldn't go on to call it strong as such.
One part wedding ceremony and two parts Strictly Come Dancing, the staging is three minutes of good old-fashioned camp. 'Per Sempre Sì' is endearing enough to appeal to more than just the 60+ demographic, and Italy is one of the chosen few to basically have a permanent residence in the top 10 by default – seriously, they've only landed twice outside of it since their return in 2011. But I wouldn't imagine even them to be too handsomely rewarded for such a derivative retro blast from the past.
★★★
23. Jonas Lovv - 'Ya Ya Ya' (Norway) 🇳🇴
Norway's 'Ya Ya Ya' is a great example of how a live performance can elevate a mediocre entry. Although rocking a fun indie party vibe, there is very little of substance to the track, with approximately at least half of the lyrics simply consisting of 'ya ya ya' and the rest not adding all that much either.
However, Singer Jonas Lovv sells it with commendable conviction. His nerves do get the best of him and his voice sadly cracks during the big notes on multiple occasions. Other than that, he oozes stage presence. And horniness, the latter to the point where he was apparently requested to tone down the pelvic thrusting and crotch-grabbing to a more family-friendly level, and fair enough.
★★★
24. Alexandra Căpitănescu - 'Choke Me' (Romania) 🇷🇴
Romania's 'Choke Me' may speak to fans of heavier music but at the same time delivers a suprisingly varied package. Dressed like if Xena the Warrior Princess fronted a rock band, singer Alexandra Căpitănescu switches effortlessly between edgy aggression, operatic high notes, and Gaga-esque spoken word. She exudes confidence and proves herself to be quite the formidable entertainer.
'Choke Me' should land on the left sife of the scoreboard with ease, with even the top 10 firmly within its grasp. Romania sure is back with a bang.
★★★½
25. Cosmó - 'Tanzschein' (Austria) 🇦🇹
Closing the Grand Final, we finally have the host country Austria. 'Tanzschein' is an odd final act to end the main bit of the show with and would make much more sense as the opener. The overall impression remains amateurish and as such, the running order kind of fizzles out with this one.
And annoyingly, the track has potential for much more. The indie-sounding backing track is pretty decent but the growly low-pitched vocal delivery is off-putting if not downright creepy. The pre-choruses and the bridge feature some actual singing and the energy immediately picks up, only to slump right back in the choruses.
Having stronger melodic hooks would benefit the song greatly but alas, we're stuck with this instead.
★★
Predictions
So, those were our 25 finalists – and there was more than a hefty dose of dramatics and big notes between them. But which one of them will go on to snatch the ultimate prize, namely the coveted glass microphone trophy and the title of the next Eurovision winner?
After scoring 9/10 on both the semi-final predictions, I'm feeling lucky tonight. Let's hazard some guesses, then!
Here is my predicted top 10 in alphabetical order:
- Albania is a personal favourite of mine and in an ideal world, even winning the whole thing shouldn't be out of question. In real life, however, the country remains underappreciated and I'm already preparing myself for the inevitable disappointment (with the continent of Europe, that is, not the song itself). Still, I want to believe in a top 10 placement.
- Australia has emerged as a bit of a late-game contender due to the viewers not having seen a live performance of the song before. Delta Goodrem is an excellent vocalist but the song's formulaicness dims her chances of rising to the zenith.
- I feel like Denmark might have lost a little bit of steam along the way but it should still do well enough.
- Israel will astroturf its way to the top, no matter how sternly the EBU will wag a finger at it.
- Finland has been the one to beat from the very beginning so there is no way they won't finish somewhere in the top.
- France will serve us technical perfection but with not much soul to it. Still, the juries will lap it up.
- Greece will bring it, even if the staging is something of a let-down that might hinder it from going all the way.
- The points that Poland receives tend to have a clear bias towards the televote, but this year's 'Pray' has all the potential for being a hit with the juries. This could be enough to catapult them to the top-left corner of the scoreboard.
- Sweden is in the top pretty much by default, year after year. This is not an especially strong entry for the country but it should still land somewhere towards the bottom of the top 10. The semi-final performance makes me increasingly doubtful whether they should be on this list, however.
- A similarly ever-successful participant, Ukraine too a lock-in for a top 10 finish, although probably in its second half.
As for the winner, I'm going to guess that our eventual champion will be Finland. Tampere 2027, here we come.
Alright, now that I've done my best to read the tea leaves and tell the future, all there is to do is to sit back and try and make the most of the Grand Final night. Goodness do I sound pessimistic or what, just Eeyoring all over this week.
Perhaps things will be smoother in 2027 and the necessary actions will be taken in order to safeguard the integrity of the contest. I just want Eurovision to be restored to what it was just a couple of years ago: a kaleidoscopic festival of colours, and sounds, and flavours. A celebration of unity and love. And above all, fun.
Well, here's hoping. A wonderful Eurovision Grand Final to all and see you next year!
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